Nebraska High School Basketball Tournament.

Sadly, this is the best picture I have, but we went to the Nebraska High School Basketball Tournament with one of the Commissioners from Charles' work. Sydney had a great time watching and cheering for the game...too bad the team she was cheering for was on the other side of the stadium.  I had hoped that my old high school would be playing when we went, but it was still fun to go and remember ten years ago when I was in high school and would go to the tournament with the pep band.

Twenty Seven

It was my birthday today.  Kind of bittersweet, since I had an ultrasound yesterday and it didn't go as well as we hoped.  But my family did a great job of helping me feel better about everything.  Here's wishing the rest of this year is better.

Getting there.

So, these past few months have been a little difficult.

September started and I just felt awful.  I was tired all the time and I had no appetite.  So, we decided to get some testing done.

The results were definitely favorable.

I was sick, like I was with Sydney.  I had horrible food aversions right away and by the time I saw my doctor for the first time(three weeks after the positive test), I had already lost a few pounds.

Being sick prevented me from being able to function like normal.  Poor Charles had to take over all of the cooking, cleaning and pretty much everything I usually do.  And we had to tell Sydney much sooner than we planned, since I was throwing up and she was getting concerned.

Three more weeks and by now I was so sick that I had to go in and get an iv due to vomiting, weight loss (almost ten pounds now) and dehydration.  Ironically, three liters of water will make you gain at least six pounds in one day--not my favorite thing.

But, when I went in for my first trimester ultrasound, all they could see was a gestational sac measuring about six and half weeks along...which was devastating considering I should have been between ten and eleven.  But, I was defiantly pregnant and the doctor's office scheduled another ultrasound and told me to be optimistic, especially since I still felt really sick.

And then, last Wednesday, I had my second ultrasound....and nothing had changed.  They couldn't see any growth in the past ten days and it was determined that I had miscarried some time ago.

Thankfully, I have a pretty great doctor and we were able to get a D&C scheduled for the next morning.  We (Charles had come with me...he usually comes to all of my doctor appointments) came home and contacted my parents to have them watch Sydney.  Then came the really hard part of telling Sydney.  That broke our hearts, especially since she was so excited about having a baby brother or sister.  Although, being able to go to Grandma and Tata's house made it much easier for her.

I promised myself that this wouldn't be too long, so suffice it to say that I'm no longer pregnant and we're slowly getting back to our normal life.  I do have to say that Bryan LGH is a pretty amazing hospital system and, despite the reason we were there, we had a good experience during my surgery and recovery.  And we have amazing friends and family who have been incredibly supportive and helpful. And thanks to our faith, we're in a lot better state of mind than we could be. We are doing well...although I start crying anytime someone asks me if we need anything and this was probably the most depressing Halloween we have ever had.  But, the worst is past and hopefully, sometime next year, we'll have even better news that will make this seem much less depressing.

Looking for Sunshine

Ever have one of those days where you just feel...sluggish? (I guess this would be snail-ish) Or off?  Or maybe just like singing "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me?"  Yeah, I had a few of them recently.  The chores at home seem to pile up, the three-year-old has been naughty and talking back, and you just don't have the energy to get ANYTHING done?  Life is just going so fast, yet you seem to be standing still, stuck in the same place?  And, while you know everyone feels like that at some point, you still feel like it's just you?

I feel like that's been the summary of my life the last few months...and I hate it.

Especially since I have been blessed with so much.  I have a beautiful family, with a wonderfully patient husband who holds the priesthood and an amazing daughter who continually delights and surprises me each day.  We have a great apartment with friends close by.  My husband has a job, which helps us get by and gives him a much needed advantage for a job in the future.  We have our faith and the knowledge that our family will be together forever.  And, while the timing may not have been what I wanted, things are looking better for our family than they have for a while.

I have so many things to be grateful for and it's time I remember it and do something about it.  That way, I can turn my life and emotions back  into something that feels like I want it to be.  

By the way, this isn't an attempt to guilt people into comments...though I do appreciate them

Pinkies up!

Charles says I eat my food exactly the same way.

Looking Back

These pictures are from when Charles and I were first married. This was the first Thanksgiving meal I cooked all by myself. I was so proud of myself. The rolls are a little flat and we didn't own a gravy boat, but not bad for my first try.

Babysitting

I'm sitting at home, listening to two two-year-olds laugh with each other. I'm pretty sure that there is nothing better than that. Well, except for maybe eating chocolate cake later tonight when they go to bed.

History I Witnessed

Today, in 1989, the Berlin Wall came down. My family was living in Berlin at the time. My parents have pictures of us at the wall. I'm going to have to find our pictures from then and scan some in this weekend.
(obviously, not my picture...it came from here)

The face behind the lens

One of the good/bad things about NaBloPoMo is that it makes me be creative in what I'm going to post. It's easy to just put up cute pictures of Sydney and recount what we were doing at that moment. But, it gets boring doing that every day. So, since Charles keeps telling me that I never put pictures of myself up, I thought I would rectify that.


This is how I prefer to look at a camera, through the viewfinder.




And, usually, I just look dorky, because I CONSTANTLY close my eyes in pictures so I overcompensate and then look like these pictures.






And, occasionally, Charles gets a decent picture of me. These last ones were from my birthday back in July. Charles took me out for lunch at Los Hermanos. It was delicious.

Good Things From the Trip (In no particular order)

1. No one was injured.

2. UNL Visit I. It is incredibly fun to be recruited. Only one other time have a seen such a strong sales pitch.

3. UNL Vists II. It turns out we may be eligible for resident tuition or the Midwest Exchange program; either of which would substantially decrease tuition costs.

4. Creighton Visit I. We thought we were going to talk about problems they were having processing my application, turns out I was not listed as an applicant because I was accepted and I just haven't received the letter yet. So far 2/3.

5. Creighton Visit II. It is incredibly fun to be recruited. Only one other time have a seen such a strong sales pitch.

6. Getting to see the family.

7. Allowing the family to babysit Sydney for an entire day (longest she has been without both of us).

8. Going back to the Temple as a family. (Outside of course. Sydney doesn't have her recommend yet.)

9. Spending almost a week with very little concern about BYU classes, work or my calling.

10. The immense satisfaction of getting to sleep in your own bed again after a week in smaller bed.

History

This is pretty interesting. How awesome would it be to find something like that? It's the dream of any history student, that's for sure.

Memories

So, this week Sydney and I (well, mostly me...pretty much all me)have been cleaning out her room...specifically the closet in her room. The first year we lived here, it was our food storage/Christmas decoration/catchall closet. And when we had Sydney, we just closed it up and kept storing stuff in there. When I took down the Christmas tree this year, I decided that I ought to try to clean out that closet a bit, you know, at least try to make it all fit nicely and maybe make room for Sydney's dresser. A large part of what was in there was boxes of papers from when we moved in and when we made room for Sydney. It took me hours to go through them...especially with Sydney "helping".

Another reason it took me hours to go through them was that I kept finding things that would make me laugh or cry (I cry all too easily these days, but that's a post for another day). Things like:

• The note from the Biology 100 lab I taught with Danielle where our student said that he would marry me if I asked him.
• Tickets from movies and programs from shows.
• The note Charles wrote me when I had to crawl through our tiny bathroom window in our first apartment. (Sydney Bristow had met her match, let me tell you.)
• Old semester schedules (color coded and with Alias viewings scheduled in as well.)
• Thousands of pages of class notes (an exaggeration, but not by much)

But now, the closet is organized (still no room for the dresser, but we'll get there...maybe when we move) and I can't wait to go through ours to get rid of clothing we don't wear anymore and see what memories we dig up in there.

My Ramblings

This weekend I decided to take my personal rantings and ravings to a new level. I have started blogging about political things I feel are important. You can find them at Within the Pachyderm. Let me know what you think. You add comments, and after I read them and make sure that some physcho isn't spouting vulgarity I will allow it. I have no intentions of blocking any comments even and especially if they do not agree with me. If you wish to dispute something I said, or you feel it is factually inaccurate, I would ask that as part of the comment you provide a source or link that I could go to.

Will Blog For...

...comments!!
...babysitters.
...someone to do the dishes.
...comments!
...a hot fudge sundae.
...the new bedroom furniture I fell in love with at IKEA and Pier 1.
...money for all the baby clothes I want to buy Sydney.
...a whole night without being woken up to nurse.
...a full tuition scholarship to Charles' law school of choice.
...comments!